I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
