weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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