...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize