seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize