Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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