is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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