So drunk its hurt
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
foreskin is a definite game changer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
