i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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