Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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