when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize