Will you blow on my dice?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
