shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
