Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
