I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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