I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
