I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
