Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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