I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize