apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
