He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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