you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
