Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
