I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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