He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
