I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
