Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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