I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
