Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
even my farts smell like vagina
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
