did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
