y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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