I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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