I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
