Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
