I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
