I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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