JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
