Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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