He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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