I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
