if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize