My balls are so social today.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
