he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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