apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
