You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
