Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i out mim tonsoeep
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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