like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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