he thought i was a dude.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
