Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
