Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
