i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
