The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
