awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
