He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
