It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
