Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
