is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
