I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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