We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
