remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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