Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
