I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize