just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
