I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
