hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
