Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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